Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
