Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Randomize
