Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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