I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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