Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
