I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
