Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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