Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
