they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Congratulations! We have a period
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