I think my vagina is haunted
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I want her autograph on my taint
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
