I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
