Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize