i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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