i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
