ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
