I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
