Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
