i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
