CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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