do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
