It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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