I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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