You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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