Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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