what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
