4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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