There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
