Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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