Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
