I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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