I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
