giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
