Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
