Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
