it's too hot outside to masturbate.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
