Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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