She said her name was "party"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
