i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
