yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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