I'm gonna have a badass scar
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
