proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
there was a trapeze. enough said
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
