I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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