Porn is love you can see.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's no shave November. This is our time.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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