Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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