so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
