gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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