my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
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