If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
