he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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