he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
operation harelip BJ is a go
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
