I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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