You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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