You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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