Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(334): View more from Alabama

They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger

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(773): View more from Illinois

somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students

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(443): View more from Maryland

The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.

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(619): View more from California

im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'

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(541): View more from Oregon

definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass

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(714): View more from California

She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge

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(407): View more from Florida

The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude

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