When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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