Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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