The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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