i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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