i just snorted my name. best moment ever
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
