I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
