There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
