I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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