he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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