Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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