just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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