i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
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