i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So much rum. So many feels.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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