Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
