So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
