Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
