SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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