so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
