I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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