Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
