My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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