Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
