I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
