I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
What a dumb baby whore.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
