i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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