if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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