So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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