Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
