Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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