Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
