One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
