it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
