I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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