Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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