Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
