The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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