Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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